Each week, I would like to take a question from my journal, and interact with all of you of how accountability is impacting my life. This week, I thought I would take the following question from my accountability journal. The question is the following:
If you knew you were going to die, how would you start living differently? What areas of your life would you make changes too? How would you love yourself and others differently?
In my life, I have had to deal with very serious and neurological issues. In 2008, I had discovered that I was having a nickel and titanium reaction to a device that was placed in my heart after I had a stroke. I was told that the device needed to be removed and that there was a 70 percent chance that I would not survive the 9-10 hour surgery. Going through these experiences and a Near Death Experience that I had when my heart stopped on the table at least 5 times, was that, everything in the end would come down to love or fear. That's it.
So, I began to look at my life in different ways and how to live differently. One thing that comes to mind immediately is that I de-cluttered my life and environment. I got rid of objects, clothes, music, DVD's, books, etc. My intention behind this is that I wanted to be very specific and intentional of what I was putting into my mind and body. Every purchase I made was going to be determined by the following criteria. If I wanted to buy something, the question that I began to ask myself is "Does this make me a more loving person? Does it allow me to love others and to serve God? If not, then I did not make the purchase or put it into my brain.
I also started to up taking responsibility for more issues in my life. My number one priority was to do the best I could each day to love those in my life, and to always let them know how much they meant to me and to uplift and communicate to them that they were valuable and that I loved them. I would always do everything I could to follow Jesus example of love.
As I look at the state of the world right now, I see a system that installs nothing but fear. The key players promote perceptions of fear into the hearts and minds of the people that make up this earth, and it angers me. I have had to deal with some continued heart and brain issues over the past month, some which have been severe. I have gotten to the point where I am not interested in sickness any longer. I am not interested in listening to my soul wounds or the whining that the soul will do from the trauma's it has suffered in the past. I have come to realize that the words we speak means everything. As Proverbs 18:21 states: "Death and life are in the power of the tongue. And those who love it will eat it's fruits." I have come to realize the power of talking in love toward myself. Not speaking or complaining of medical symptoms or ill will of others. I have had to live with things that could end my life, yet, by going back to this proverb, I don't want to declare death over myself. So being faced with death, I have started to learn the opposite. Claim life. Speak life. Speak love. This doesn't mean that we will be perfect. I have become very aware of my agitations and I deal with them quickly so I am living and following Jesus's example.
I feel that I have been learning with Jesus and the Holy Spirit that the evil and wickedness that we have gone through in life leads to core belief systems that need to be shifted and healed with the Holy Spirit. It is essential. I have learned that Satan likes to keep people stuck, including myself, to stay stuck in the pain and our trauma (i.e. evil that has been done to us). So to me, if I knew I was going to die, I would be implementing all of these things into place, but I would start immediately on declaring God's word over my mind, body, and soul. I am speaking life to myself and others. I am professing Love based on what Christ teaches us. I am having direct, honest, and truthful conversations when I am in disagreement with others, or them with myself. I am committing myself to Love the best I can each day. Until next week, I hope you ponder on the first question from the journal.