This weeks blog is a letter from my upcoming book “Letters to Someone.” These letters are about my journey from being close to death, and subjects I chose to cover that I believed if I left the planet, would be a manual to guide one closer to Christ and to God, and to help focus one’s heart on Love and Healing.
I had an interesting conversation with a friend over the weekend where she helped to bring light to an issue I had been struggling with for a lot of years, mainly, due to some trauma and health issues. As men, this issue tends to eat at the core of our beings, and can lower our self-esteem. However, with her help, I was able to feel hope on this issue, which I hadn’t felt in years. So, thank Amy Diane for your kindness and patience on the discussion.
May you all enjoy the Letter from the upcoming book, “Letter’s to Someone.”
Say Your Sorry and Don’t Make Excuses
Matthew 12:36
“I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak.”
This has probably been one of the easiest paths for me to walk since I have been 19 years of age, but this has also been one of the most challenging things that have tried my patience with others that I have been involved with in friendships and intimate relationships.
I believe the enemy keeps us frozen in fear and isolates us on our own little self-island where we can protect ourselves from truly loving and connecting with those we love, and being in true Christ fellowship and service to one another. Once again, instead of serving God and our fellow brother or sister, we serve the Father of Lies.
For myself, I decided a long time ago that dropping my ego and having meaningful, Spirit filled, and loving relationships was the most important thing to me in my life. If I messed up, I wanted to be a person who could say that they were sorry to the other person, take responsibility for my actions, and do whatever was necessary to correct my actions to be a person of love. Now, obviously, when I was walking in the realm of new age, these motives were wrapped up in some truth and the realm of the kingdom of darkness and humanistic views. That is what Lucifer does, he takes truth and perverts it into lies or false light.
In my identify of Christ, I am saved from my sins. No matter how much I muck things up, Christ took all of my garbage and nailed it to the cross. What a marvelous thing Jesus did for us in this fallen world. With that being said, I believe that God doesn’t want his kids adding more death and destruction to Satan’s world. I believe that it is our job as God’s children to take this world back and start modeling the teaching’s of Jesus. Again, I go back to one of the most basic of Jesus’s scripture in John 15:12 “This is my commandment, that ye love one another, even as I have loved you.” John 15:17 instructs us to “These things I command you, that ye may love one another.” I don’t think Jesus wants his kids to be beating one another up with their pain and taking it out on one another. That is not the relationship we are called to have with one another.
One of the toughest experiences that I have had to endure in my life was growing up in a home where I saw two parents who made excuses for their actions toward me in regards to their behaviors and the abuse that they inflicted in terms of physical, mental, and emotional abuse. I have done the forgiveness work, but to not have any remorse or to say you’re sorry or to make excuses and blame, shows the type of world we are living in. I know there is shame and guilt that are there with my parents. I know there is deep pain within in them. Perhaps there is a feeling that they are not loved by the Lord, that they are not seen as precious in His eyes, that they do not have a special purpose on this Earth. This is where we need to Holy Spirit the most to help us break through that toxic shame and guilt. If we do not have the humility and the ability to drop the defensiveness and pride, then we will never heal the walls that we have up toward the Trinity and the ones we love most in our lives. This is where abuse comes out toward others and when we puke our pain and cause damage and trauma toward others. I feel most strongly where this is where we have to end the cycles of trauma and abuse toward others and ourselves. Christ is the answer to this.
So, how do you say you’re sorry and stop making excuses? Here are a few questions to think about and ask to start holding yourself accountable in every area of your life:
What scares you about being the first person to say you’re sorry?
What trauma have you gone through in you’re life that keeps you stuck in cycles of making excuses?
This is something I am still new at, but how secure do you feel in your identify in Christ? If you’re identify in Christ were stronger, do you feel like you would be able to apologize to those you love? Would it be easier? Would you stop making excuses and take extreme accountability for areas of your life that need work through the Holy Spirit?
What makes you feel justified in giving excuses for your unloving behaviors toward others instead of taking extreme ownership for them?
What scares you the most about doing emotional work on yourself and taking accountability for the wounds and trauma that have been upon yourself from others so the Holy Spirit could free you from your past and you could have more intimacy, love, and connection with those you love?
What stops you from saying your’re sorry and resolving conflict with those your love before going to bed angry? Taking it one step further, what happens if your or the people you loved died the next day?
What would your life look like if you committed to listening to the Voice of the Holy Spirit and went into prayer every single time there was a conflict that you had with those you loved? How much different would your life be? Do you think your relationships would be stronger? Do you feel that this would be a better way to problem solve your life with others? What would prevent you from doing this?
What would it be like to stop listening to the spirt of pride and the lies of the enemy when you need to say you’re sorry or to stop making excuses for the areas of your life that you need to clean up?
In closing, the scripture passage that comes to my mind is 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirt of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” I know that there have been many of times due to me almost dying or the prognosis of dying that I rushed an immediate discussion with the person I loved the most and did not not go to prayer properly with the Holy Spirit to resolve the matter because I was in fear. Sometimes we have to also learn when it is best to keep quiet and when to speak up. That is another subject. However, if keeping to this passage, there is a spirit of fear that can come over us and I believe that this is the enemy attempting to shut us down, keeping us in arrogance and from saying we are sorry and holding us hostage in excuses from truly doing the necessary work on ourselves with the Holy Spirit that would connect us with those we love. So the next time that you resist saying you’re sorry with the people that are in your life or wanting to make an excuse for it, remember this passage. God did not create you to be a fearful being. He gave you a sound mind and the spirit of love to face your fears and to do it with integrity and love. He wanted you in right relationship with others and living in joy and peace with others, not chaos and destruction. We have had enough of this fallen world, and it is time for us to reclaim the true meaning as 1 Corinthians 12:27 says “Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.” Say you’re sorry and stop making excuses. Love those dearly in your life and tell them that on a daily basis.